I’m changing the way I think, slowly. Part of it is a conscious decision, but most of it is a realisation. My perception of the world is the best tool I have to live a better life. I am human, I’m not perfect, and that’s okay.
It’s a change in perspective. I’m spending less time mired in the grips of anyone trying to hurt me emotionally, and more time doing what I like to do. My head is clearer, after saying goodbye to the bed of sorrow that unpleasant thoughts grow in. I have more room for constructive thinking and I feel stronger, or rather, less vulnerable. I care less about what other people think of me – not just say I don’t (but really do.) This has reduced my anxiety. I am less insecure, and am shedding my dependence on external validation.
On the other side of that coin, I’m done with the ups-and-downs of the social tug-of-war game, when people side with you, you feel good, and when people don’t, you feel bad. It was a constant source of anxiety to put myself, my emotions, in the hands of others.
Eckhart Tolle was wise with his words when he said, about suicide, to instead let the ego die. We spend so much time protecting our identity, the reflection of ourselves, that we forget to enjoy life. We take the blows of our enemies and continue to do the work for them on ourselves, through negative thought patterns, when they have stopped. I don’t need that any more.
Let this not be taken that I am pursuing happiness at every waking moment. A variety of emotions is expected, and sadness is not abnormal. What is important is that I have the ability to choose how I deal with them, and how I perceive them.
I love to learn; I crave knowledge and experience. My mind is open. I don’t need to check who said something to judge whether I agree or not. There are no ‘sides’ in truth, where one side has all the true facts, and the other side has none; it is pointless to try to align and have cohesive beliefs with a group of people while upholding critical thinking, as it is human nature to bend and distort truth for social reasons. This, I believe, happens beneath the conscious level, and actually affects the way people think. Therefore, reasonable and respectful debate, disagreement, and discussion should be welcomed where there is something to discuss; censorship and silencing of the expression of certain ideas, and bullying into submission should be avoided entirely.
Today is a good day. :)